Listening

Listening to... Electric Twist by A Fine Frenzy. I love her. My sister introduced me to her and I don't think I'm ever turning back ever. I love all of her songs and her voice and the style of the music. One song can be soothing and touching, and the other I can dance and sing at the top of my lungs to. Perfect combination of everything.

Not a lot has happened. I'm in college. Definitely an experience. I loved it the first few weeks. I met so many new people. I was in this euphoric stage of "Oh my gosh, if this is just the beginning, I am going to love the rest of college"... False. College isn't just the social life. There's also this academic sense to it. Who knew? I'm disappointed with myself and my lack of self-discipline. I love making new friends. People who I get along with so well. I would rather focus my life on meeting new people and enhancing my relationships than do stupid, repetitive homework.

All in all, I think I just need better self discipline. And it's hard. It's really hard. I constantly criticize myself for not working hard enough, not studying hard enough. Yet I always end up to resorting to something else. Why? Why do I do this to myself? Why am I such a freaking.. failure? It's harsh, but honestly that's how I feel sometimes. I want my parents to be proud of me. I want to make the best of my college experience, and not take my mind for granted. I want to learn everything I possibly can... but I don't. And it sucks.

But seriously. Why am I complaining? I beat myself up for this also. I have it so good. I am so, so, so extremely blessed. Why am I complaining about college and boys and my parents when there are thousands people in Haiti suffering because of an unpredicted earthquake. Thousands of people missing a spouse, a daughter, a son, a father, a mother, an uncle, an aunt... Thousands of people, lost, lonely, scared, suffering... in need of so much, yet receiving so little. And here I have it so good. My heart yearns to help these people. Honestly... I wish I could just comprehend a piece of what they're going through. But I can't. I've never experienced the loss of a close family member. I've never watched a family member die because of a lack of medical attention. I've never been without a home. I've never been without a mother and father. I've never been alone...

Honestly, I wish I could just take my college tuition and give it all to relief efforts toward Haiti. I wish I could go there myself and care for the children who are without parents; care for the parents who lost their children. I want to love these people who have lost so much.

God, help us all.