Ok well basically. Here comes the brute. I just need to yell at someone and I don't want to bore someone to tears with my rambling emotions so I am just going to post them here. Enjoy.
I hate her. I take that back. I don't hate her, I just strongly dislike her. I have no idea what he saw in her. She's nice and all.. it's just after a while it gets really old and annoying. Fake!
I need to move out. And I get to! Saturday is the big day which brings me to another point. College. Holy %#7^@&!^8. I can't believe it's here already. I'm excited, but really nervous at the same time. Mostly nervous though. My anxiety is getting to the best of me and its really stressing me out. I'm scared I am going to get to my senior year having absolutely no idea what I want to do and feel I went to college (my parents donating most of their well earned money for me to do so) for no reason. I hate it. I guess all in all, I really just need to trust in God and pray that He will guide me the way I need to go. As of right not, just get the required classes out of the way. But that risk will always be in the back of my mind.
And finally. Bologna. I HATE BOLOGNA! And not the fake meat kind. The kind that my friends.... good friends that I have had for years... try to feed me! I don't fall for that crap and they should know me better than that! "I don't want you to feel left out". Bull... shit... If you don't want to go, you can tell me you don't want to go. I am not going to sob myself to sleep just because you canceled out on a small event. I understand! But the fact that you used me to get you to cancel just shows how full of crap you are! I meet new people all the time! I'm not some coward who is going to hide in the corner rather than meet new people! And you know that too. You just don't want to take the blame for canceling. So who's the coward now?
I'm done with his crap. I'm done with allowing the bad things to be erased because he smiles at me. I need him out of my head. I need to face reality and not be blinded by hope. I need to find a place without him. A place to breathe! A place to be me.
